The Best of 2012

Books! So many books! Fifteen trips and one new book club, and I’ve been reading even more than usual this year. Not everything was great, but, without commentary, my top three:

1.  Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
2.  A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan
3.  Bossypants by Tina Fey

I don't think it's a coincidence that all of them are by women: one of my resolutions for 2012 was to read more books by women, since last year I disproportionately read novels by men. I didn’t always like what I was reading, but it was interesting to see how my reading material affected what I was thinking about in, you know, life. 

 And with that, digital vacation for the next one week. Happy holidays!

How Should A Person Be?

Oh man.  I feel like I'm on a roll:  First "How To Be a Woman", then "Gone Girl", and now "How Should a Person Be?"  From the titles of the books alone, you might surmise I'm having a bit of an existential crisis.

But, in any event, I just finished the last:  Sheila Heti's "How Should A Person Be?"  Despite the accolades, I couldn't get into it.  Mostly, I found its the characters irritating.  (The book has been widely compared to Lena Dunham's Girls, which means that I should probably skip that too.)

Still, there were some great passages:

• Two painters, discussing what it means to have freedom to paint:  "Sholem was saying that freedom, for him, is having the technical facility to be able to execute whatever he wants, just whatever image he has in his mind.  But that's not freedom!  That's control, or power.  Whereas I think that Margaux understands freedom to be the freedom to take risks, the freedom to do something bad or to appear foolish.  Not to recognize that difference is a pretty big thing."

• "You remember the peur aeternus -- the eternal child -- Peter Pan -- the boy who never grows up, who never becomes a man?... Such people will suddenly tell you they have another plan, and they always do it the moment things start getting difficult.  But it's their everlasting switchings that's the dangerous thing, not what they choose... [W]hile others actually build a life in which things gain in meaning and significance, this is not true of the peur.  Such a person inevitably looks back on life as it nears its end with a feeling of emptiness and sadness, aware of what they have built:  nothing.  In their quest for a life without failure, suffering, or doubt, that is what they achieve:  a life empty of all those things that make a human life meaningful."

• "What is American cheese anyway?"  I heard one of them say.  Her friend replied, "I think it means it has a chemical in it."

Gone Girl

Courtesy of Hurricane Sandy, I found myself with a bit of free time and picked up Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl.  It. Was. Fantastic.  

While I desperately want to talk about the plot, I also don't want to risk spoiling it for anyone who hasn't gotten to it yet.  (Go out and read it already!)  

Instead, I'll focus on one of my favorite passages, told from the viewpoint of wife Amy:

"Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding... Men actually think this girl exists."

That's pretty much how I feel every time I happen to look at Maxim (shudder).  I started to look for links to prove the validity of that passage, but I got too grossed out.  (Thanks, Internet.)  Instead, I'll just point to today's article in Jezebel about the new "Good Girl Gina" meme making the rounds.  :-|

p.s.  As a total aside, I'm not sure what it says about me that I found myself relating to Amy.

How To Be A Woman

My latest read is Caitlin Moran's "How To Be A Feminist."  I enjoyed it, although I wouldn't say it was my favorite read of the year.  Unfortunately, the author has a propensity to TYPE IN ALL CAPS WHEN MAKING HER POINT, and nothing is more of a turn-off than the dreaded all caps.  (Well, perhaps some things are more of a turn off, but, you know.)

A friend called the book as "pop feminism", and I'd wager that's a pretty accurate description (see, e.g., the chapter on how Katie Price is harmful to women, whereas Lady Gaga is a symbol of empowerment).  And while I didn't think the book was particularly earth-shattering, I thought that Moran raised some interesting points.  For instance, when discussing clothing:

"Women are just supposed to be Good at Clothes, and to look down on those who aren't -- who screw up even one outfit, as evidenced by all those "Circle of Shame"/"What Was She Thinking?" spreads in every magazine and every tabloid newspaper every week.  Prominent female politicians are lambasted for a single pair of "wrong" shoes.  At its best -- and I love a nice frock -- fashion is a game.  But for women, it's a compulsory game, like netball."

I suppose that arguably -- especially in New York -- mores are changing, and men are also being judged by their attire.  Still, I think that the degree to which women are judged by their appearance, and expected to look a certain way, far outweighs the pressure felt by male counterparts.

Also entertaining:  Moran devotes a chapter to strip clubs and contrasts them to burlesque clubs, and argues that the former are objectionable whereas the latter are permissible.  Although she makes several points, she ends with:

"Do you know what the final rule of thumb is with strip clubs?  Gay men wouldn't be seen dead in Spearmint Rhino - but you can't move for them in a burlesque joint.  As a rule of thumb, you can always tell if a place is culturally healthy for women when the gays start rocking it."

Touche!

The Best Possible Light

I've been thinking a lot about interference in other people's decisions and when it's necessary to speak up.  After all, we're all adults, and people are entitled to make their own choices.

Still, it can be hard.  Harder, I think, when you're a parent and might see your (adult) child's actions as a reflection of your prior parenting decisions. One of my favorite passages on this point is in The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing, when the narrator is dealing with the fact that her son has impregnated two women:

I turn and face him.
For a long time I see this man.
I see him and I think, I am the one who taught him to regard himself as a blessing.

The Paris Wife

"To marry was to say you believed in the future and in the past too––that history and tradition and hope could stay knit together to hold you up."

Both Ways is the Only Way That I Want It

Just finished reading Maile Meloy's "Both Ways is the Only Way that I Want It."  I don't know if this ever happens to other people:  I really enjoy Meloy's books, but I kind of forgot about her.  It wasn't until I stumbled across her recent short story in The New Yorker that I thought to google her, realized that she had a new book, and went to the library to pick it up.

I liked, but did not love, Both Ways is the Only Way That I Want It.  It's a collection of short stories, primarily about relationships, marriage, and infidelity.

My favorite short story of the collection was "Two Step," mostly for the way that the story unfolds.  Still, there was this one dialogue that made me pause, because the character echoed something I once heard at a dinner party and found incredibly depressing:  "Who was it who said that marriage is a long struggle for moral advantage?"

Apparently, the answer is Marge Simpson.  This makes me feel better.

p.s.  The book's title is taken from a poem by A.R. Ammons, which I adore:

One can't
Have it 

both ways
and both 

ways is
the only 

way I
want it.